I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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