Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
