3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've blown a few things in my day
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
