i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
