Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize