"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
