A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if only i could text you this smell
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
