I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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