fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
