I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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