i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
