So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
