it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
