So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize