cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
