I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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