Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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