woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
