Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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