so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's the barista slut.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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