we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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