i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
