I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
