Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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