It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
