Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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