that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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