Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
