So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
