So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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