Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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