operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
