the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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