he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So many bounce houses so little time
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
