TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
