Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
