we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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