I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
