i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
