oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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