Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
