Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
