you guys were way drunker than both of me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
