I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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