I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
