its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize