i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
