I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
