I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
