I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
