Your tits are I can't wait for
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize