My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
