its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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