Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize