After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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