who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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