I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
