Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
