nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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