Where is the hickey?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize