and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
