I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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