Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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