I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize