At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
