check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
