oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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