i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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