Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
