During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
