So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
