new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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