Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
