Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
