Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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